


Tabula Rasa

by ButterflyBunny



Series: Avengers' Infinite Playlist [19]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Blind Character, Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Clint Barton's Farm, Clint Doesn't Have Kids, F/F, F/M, Fix-It, M/M, Natasha Romanov Feels, POV Natasha Romanov, Phone Calls & Telephones, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Protective Natasha Romanov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-07
Updated: 2016-07-07
Packaged: 2018-07-14 22:40:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7193795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ButterflyBunny/pseuds/ButterflyBunny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Natasha has to take care of her family, specially when they are not taking care of themselves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tabula Rasa

**Author's Note:**

> The events here take place around the same time the previous instalment of this series "[The Magician](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7193291)" take place.

_[(Close Your Eyes - Rhodes)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OIfRSN5bBPc) _

 

 

_It sticks in the DNA._

Tony’s words stay in her mind for the next few days. It takes her less than a week to return to the states, and well is funny how that’s the last place they would look for her and she knows they won’t. The first rule of being on the run is to not run, the second one is hiding in plain sight.

Before, when she used to be undercover she had to think only about two thinks. Herself and the mission, and even then the mission was always first. But now, she can’t help to think about the rest of the Avengers, about Clint, about Steve and Wanda... Even Tony.  _Her family_. So she does the best she can to make sure they are safe.

She checks on Tony first, of course, he’s the easiest one to find since he’s not hiding. He doesn’t go back to his mansion, or the tower, he stays in the Avengers facility like he had planned before the whole thing went to shit. She doesn’t see Rhodey but she sees he’s with Vision. That makes her feel at ease, she hated the idea of Tony alone in the other two places. Vision keeping him some sort of company added to that. Rhodey is receiving his therapy – She hacks into the hospital’s server and gets him the very best service, she doesn’t leave any hint that she had been there, becuase she knows she would put Rhodey into a complicated position.

Natasha sees Vision fly away one day, like a wounded bird he doesn’t go far but he does sit in the top of a building and stares into the city lights, far away from both of them. One doesn’t have to be a telepath to know that Vision is hurting, to understand that he still feels guilty about Wanda leaving and about Rhodey falling from the skies. Natasha walks away, resisting the immense urge to go to Vision and at least pat him in the shoulder.

 

* * *

 

Clint was never able to hide from her. Not really. 

Since the time they met each other, when he was sent to kill her and he made a different call, saving her life. Changing her life. Clint became her best friend, her confident, her brother. She knew him like the back of her hand and he could read her like a book, so he was never able to really hide from her.

She goes to Laura’s first. The farm is in great shape when she arrives, and for a second she believes that is because Clint was in fact living back with her, with Wanda and Pietro. Natasha chuckles imagining how awkward it must be for Pietro to be living in the same house his boyfriend’s ex-wife lives. Wanda must be amused too.

“Well, I’m sorry to disappoint, Tasha” Laura tells her, offering her a cup of coffee, “Just like you I thought Clint would be coming here”

Natasha nods, “It would have been too obvious, huh?”

Laura smiles, “I guess”

The woman sits across from her, looking for something in Natasha’s eyes. When she doesn’t find it, she chuckles softly, hiding her smile behind the cup of coffee. Laura was one of the few people that really got Natasha, since the first time she met her, back when she was still married to Clint and they had just moved to the farm. Clint and Laura were too alike and maybe that’s why they couldn’t make things work.

Natasha clears her throat, “The farm looks nice”

“Yeah” Laura nods, “Maria keeps insisting on making reparations every time she comes here”

“Maria?” Natasha frowns, “Maria Hill”

Laura laughs softly and nods. There is a light blush spreading through her cheeks and that’s when Natasha realises there was another reason why Clint and Laura couldn’t make things work. 

“I heard about Dr. Banner”

“Bruce” she says quietly, “I’m sure he’s… where he is suppose to be”

Laura lets her spend the night at the farm. The small room she offers her is more than alright, she used to spend time there whenever she visited Clint and it was nice the feeling of familiarity it gave her. She lays on the bed that night, feeling tired, Bruce is where he is suppose to be, she tells herself.

 

* * *

  

It takes her a week to find Clint and when she finally does she tells him she’s impressed. Clint had been living in his old family farm for almost a month now, Wanda and Pietro were with him. Wanda gets all teary eyed when she surprises them during dinner, Pietro hugs her and tells her that Clint can’t shut up about how much he misses her. They spend the rest of the night talking about the town and the farm, Pietro got Wanda a horse – it was more like Pietro got it and Wanda ended up taking care of it – and Clint was almost finishing with reparations in the farm, with the twins helping it had taken a lot less time than planned, even if they weren’t using their abilities.

Pietro was doing the dishes and Wanda had fallen asleep in the couch, an old copy of the Great Gatsby in her chest and Lucky, Clint’s old “pirate” dog, curled up in her side. Natasha smiles to herself when Clint gives a pat to the dog and Lucky climbs down the couch, then he grabs a blanket and covers Wanda with it.

“It’s alright” Pietro whispers to him, “I am taking her upstairs”

Clint nods as Pietro picks his sister as if she weighted nothing, blanket and all. Pietro kisses Clint and then runs upstairs.

Natasha chuckles, “How ador-“

“Don’t finish that sentence” Clint narrows his eyes playfully.

They share a beer in the barn – For old time’s sake – while Clint tells her about Steve breaking them out of the raft and how King T’Challa helped them get back to the states unnoticed. Natasha didn’t know about T’Challa’s involvement, she keeps quiet about that but she is glad that despite her failing the man – Sorry, but she did owed Steve a big one – the king helped her friends.

“You should have seen how they had Wanda” Clint says quietly, “They tied her up and put a goddamn collar on her like- like she was some-“ He stops himself, gripping the beer bottle tightly.

Natasha puts a hand in his shoulder. She knew the collar that Tony had created suppressed in some way Wanda's abilities, it was some kind of preventive Enhanced device. It hadn't been made to hurt enhances in any way, but as soon as Ross got his hands on it she knew it would mean trouble for Wanda. Now she understood why Tony was the way he was with the Ironman suits.

“Do you think Stark failed us?” Clint says, and she knows that Clint does.

She looks at him and sighs, “We all did what we though was right, Clint” Clint looks at her, “and we all thought we were right back then and maybe we are, maybe we aren’t”

“He-“

“He made his choice” she says, “And so did we” Clint nods, looking away, “It doesn’t matter what we chose, we are all paying the consequences”

“Even Tony” Clint finishes.

“Even Tony” Natasha says.

Clint also tells her how to find Steve before she leaves early the next morning. Before she goes, he asks her if she already checked on Tony, she tells him he is fine and he looks genuinely glad about it.

 

* * *

 

She goes back to New York to find Steve and finds him in Midtown Manhattan. She sees him going into a shitty apartment first and almost doesn’t recognized him, he looks tired, even thinner as he walks inside a pharmacy, head bowed down and shoulders hunched. Sam isn’t with him and she feels alarmed for a second, but then she sees the man entering behind him, she had told Steve to keep his distance for the others if he was ever in that situation and she is glad he remembered. 

She doesn’t see Bucky anywhere near, and perhaps the man is hiding inside the apartment, but because of the way Steve looks she gets the feeling something had happened to him. 

Why they chose Hell’s Kitchen wasn’t a mystery. The place was good for hiding, full of people who didn’t mind much about their surroundings, specially because they had someone looking out for them now.

She takes a sip of the really bad coffee they have in the diner and drowns it down with the surprisingly good pie she had ordered with it. Three days she waits for him to appear, not like she had asked him to meet, she hadn’t really talked to or about Matt Murdock in years, but she had met him before people started calling him the Daredevil. The eighth day arrives and she still can’t find him, she could walk into his small office “Nelson & Murdock” but that would be too risky.

So she waits.

 

* * *

 

She waits two days more.

 

* * *

 

The chiming bell makes her look to the entrance, where a strawberry blond woman enters followed by a familiar man in dark red shades. Matt Murdock folds his cane as he sits in one of the booths, he looks like he had a fight with someone the night before and lost, the blond across from him looks at him with concern and reaches for his hand, which he takes and then says something. Probably some soothing words he doesn’t mean, Matt is almost as good as lying as Natasha is.

The diner is almost empty when they finally stand up to leave, before Matt leaves he stands in the entrance and turns his head in her direction. He excuses himself with the woman, who nods, gives him a kiss in the cheek and leaves. Matt then walks in her direction and sits across from her.

“How long has it been?” Matt asks, “two, three years?”

“Two” Natasha smirks, “Give or take”

“Two years and you use the same perfume” He smirks, “Or is it the shampoo” 

She smiles, “How have you been, Matt?”

He raises an eyebrow, “Good” He says, “Sometimes bad” 

She hums, "I didn't know you had a thing for blondes"

Matt shakes his head softly, "I don't"

"Redheads then" Natasha raises an eyebrow, “If I had known, I would have make my move on you” She leans back the cushioned seat.

Matt’s lips curved upwards, “you did make your move on me”

“Those weren’t the moves I’m talking about” She raises an eyebrow.

Matt laughs softly. Then he leans forward, she can see his brown unfocused eyes over the rim of his dark shades, it still amazes her how his blind eyes manage to find her face, her eyes, giving the impression he can see her. And maybe he can in some way.

“Did you came back to Hell after all these years just to flirt with me?” He asks softly.

Natasha chuckles, “No”

Matt hums.

“I heard about what happened” Matt starts when she doesn’t say anything else, “The Accords, Captain America a criminal… Dr. Banner missing”

Natasha swallows, “I’m here about the Winter Soldier, actually”

Matt looks taken aback for a second and she frowns. Maybe he just knows she is about to ask him for help, legal help, it is clear that Steve hadn’t think about that, she can’t blame him after the response Everett Ross has given him after he asked the first and only time. And Tony, well, already has enough in his plate. Matt takes his glasses off and rubs his eyes, he had paled at the mention of the Winter Soldier, and well who wouldn’t after the pile of shit that the newspapers printed about him.

Matt stands and she grabs his hand, not wanting him to refuse before she explains him the real situation. Because she knows she can tell him everything, she knows he’s as good as keeping secrets as she is. The man grabs his cane and sighs.

“We should talk about this somewhere else” he says quietly.

Natasha nods, “I’ll be in your place in ten minutes”

 

* * *

 

“Who was she?” Natasha asks, crossing her legs and looking around Matt’s bedroom.

Matt turns to face her, rolling up the sleeves of his shirt. He leaves the cufflinks in the nightstand and proceeds to take the tie off, toeing his shoes off at the same time. Natasha doesn’t tell him the lights are off, and maybe he knows, maybe he prefers it that way because he’s undressing and she doesn’t show any signs of leaving. She chuckles when he continues undressing, unbuttoning his shirt with a raised eyebrow directed at her.

“Karen Page” He answers, “She works with me at the firm”

“So is Nelson & Murdock & Page?”

“She’s our secretary” He says, “Not a lawyer”

Natasha nods, then hums letting him know she understands. She winces when Matt takes his shirt off and there is a massive bruise on his left side, he walks towards the bathroom and she can hear him opening a container, probably painkillers. Matt comes back and sits on a chair in the corner of the room. 

“Rough day at the office?”

Matt chuckles, “Rough week”

“Can I see your suit?” Natasha purses her lips, “The red one” Matt chuckles, “You have horns and everything?” 

“Maybe next time”

“What makes you think there will be a next time”

“Because I’m saying yes to whatever you are about to ask me to do”

Natasha looks at Matt, “You are saying yes to possibly represent an ex soviet assassin that might or might not have bomb the UN in a court room?”

Matt runs a hand through his hair, “He didn’t bomb the UN”

Her lips curve upwards because he isn’t saying no the rest. She stands and walks towards him, when she’s next to the chair he looks up at her. Natasha kisses his cheek and leaves a memory stick in his hands.

“I decoded some HYDRA archives” She says, “All you need to know is there”

 

* * *

 

He calls her three days later.

“ _After this, do I ever see you again?_ ” Matt asks, “ _Or is it going to be another three years_ ” He adds chuckling.

Natasha smiles, “In time”

“ _Who do I send this to?_ ” he asks her, “ _Tony Stark?_ ”

“No” She answers, Tony was probably not going to open his mail for a while, “A friend of his’”

She gives him Peter Parker’s address and ends the call.

 

* * *

 

Before she leaves she checks on Steve again. Steve is taking a morning run when she finds him, he looks better, healthier and it makes her feel relieved. She pays five dollars to one of the kids playing frisbee in the park and gives him very clear instructions to give her friend a cellphone, then she walks away. Once she’s away enough for him to be unable to see her she dials.

“You look better than a few weeks ago, Steve” She says as soon as he picks up.

“ _Natasha_ ” Steve says.

She chuckles when he looks around, searching for her.

“The kid’s not mine, I swear” She jokes.

Steve chuckles too, “ _Good to know_ ”

“How are you, Steve?” She asks, genuinely concerned about the man.

Steve sits on a bench, “ _Better, truly_ ” he says, “ _You?_ ”

“Better” She smirks, “Truly”

Steve nods, “ _You around?"_  

“Maybe” She licks her lips, “I’ve been keeping tabs on all of you” she continues, “Most of you, I have yet to receive a response to all that fan mail I sent to King T’Challa” She is joking obviously, How do you send mail to the king of Wakanda, “Do you think he will answer?”

“ _Maybe_ ” Steve retorts making her laugh.

There is a silence after that. A short pause that says so much about Steve and how he still feels about the whole situation. Still feels guilty, still thinks he failed them as a leader, that he failed the world as Captain America, still feels like he lost the war by winning the fight. Because she knows those are two different things for Steve. The fight was with everyone else, the war had been with Tony.

“Steve” Natasha says, “Time does heal” she closes her eyes, “it heals men like Tony… And supersoldiers, too” She smiles softly.

“ _I-_ “

“Call him” she says firmly, “If there is something else… something else to say, something to clear up…” She trails off, “At least he’s one call away" 

Sam had told her about the phone he sent Tony, he had asked her if it was a good idea and back then she wasn't sure, but now she knew that Steve and Tony needed to talk.

“ _I miss you, Nat_ ”

Natasha sighs, “Me too” she says, “But right now is not a good time for me to… be there”

Once she has things figured out. About Bucky, about where she really needs to be she will make sure to go back to them, to the Avengers and she will finish putting them together.

“ _I understand_ ” he finally says, “ _But I don’t want you to be alone…_ ”

“I’ll make sure I surround myself with people” She says.

“ _Good people?_ ”

“I can’t promise anything” She says, a teasing tone, “Once things are better…” Natasha adds. 

“ _Soon?_ ” Steve asks with hopefulness in his voice.

“Better late than never”

She hangs up and follows Steve with her eyes until he disposes the phone in a trashcan.

 

* * *

 

After over a month of making sure the others were fine and putting her plan to save Bucky Barnes in motion, she is finally able to go to her safe house. 

Nick Fury was good at hiding, he had been hiding for over two years and the only time the Avengers saw him was when he had wanted to. She was able to hear from him again after Tony told her they were looking for her and she needed a place to go.

She drives thirteen hours to the small town. Then walks two miles into the woods, where there was a small cabin next to a lake, it looked old and it was, it looked abandoned but it wasn’t. She knew because of the faint light of the oil lamp inside, the freshly cut fire wood and because the man that steps outside, hugging himself because is too cold, a five days old stubble that she notices when he smiles relived and holding a blanket for her.

“Took you long enough”

 

* * *

 

Nick finds him about two weeks later in Vanuatu. How, he doesn’t ask, but he assumes Natasha had something to do with it. He gives him coordinates to a place but doesn’t say who is there and because of that he knows Natasha had everything to do with it. 

Bruce gets there three weeks later. And after almost a month moving around, the small cottage feels like home, he’s alone but knowing that Natasha would be there makes him feel less lonely. She will get there eventually, Fury promises, so he waits.

 

* * *

 

After so long without a warm embrace like his’, she feels like crying, a nod in her throat when Bruce chuckles softly, covering both of them with the thick blanket. She looks up and kisses him, feeling the faint scratch of the stubble but not caring at all, Bruce deepens the kiss, until she’s sobbing against his lips and she pulls back relieved.

“Took me too long” She whispers against his lips.

“You two love birds better come inside, is freezing out here”

Natasha and Bruce turn to see Fury scowling at them from the door. The redhead nods and they walk inside, she kisses Nick’s cheek and thanks him, then follows Bruce to the small kitchen inside. They eat stew, a spicy thing that Bruce made earlier that day and apparently Fury can’t get enough off.

Once the night falls, Fury leaves to his room. Natasha looks at Bruce as he does the dishes, she feels so tired even though is barely seven, her eyes feeling heavy as she lays on the big couch next to the fire. Before she falls asleep she sees Bruce walking towards her, he stops infront of the chimney and throws another log of wood, the fire grows and she can see the gold band still around Bruce’s ring finger.

Bruce looks at her and smiles softly and for some reason apologetically. They could talk tomorrow about what happened the day he left and the days after that one. But now she moves to make space for Bruce in the couch, hiding her face in the crook of his neck when he lays next to her. Yes, Bruce is where he is suppose to be.

And so is she.

 

 

_“I look back on the times you tried to hide inside your delicate mind, In the end I'm just the same as you and it's alright, just stay by my side and I will hold on…. you're all that I need, So just close your eyes…”_


End file.
